I wish my penis had an off switch
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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