i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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