I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
