butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
