but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize
