I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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