so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
