Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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