I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize