im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
