just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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