I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
The uberlube is also flammable
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
