Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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