it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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