did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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