I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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