So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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