come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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