Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I think your dad took our porno
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Randomize
