that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
