Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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