if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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