im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
