im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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