I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
