we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
