Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
