I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
