I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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