Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
