Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
