Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
