i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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