my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
