isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
