can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
