You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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