I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
