WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
