Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
