How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
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