I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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