Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
