I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
