dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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