We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Randomize
