the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
