I puked a lego.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
