im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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