I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
