and you said cock pushups were impossible
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
