Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
