Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
