I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
