Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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