Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
