I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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