If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize