i love accidental penises.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
