Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
