My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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