I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
