hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
