Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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