Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
handjob tips. give me some.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
