Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
