And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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