if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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