my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
