Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
