Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
