My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
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