I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
