Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
do nipples grow back?
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