just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
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