I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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