she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
