I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
