Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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