he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Come on in and take your pants off
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