I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
