Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
so much tequila, so little girl.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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