You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
