Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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