I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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