Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
