dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
