i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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