so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
honey bunches of taint.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize