So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
