did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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