im six kinds of drunk right now
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
