You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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