I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
