..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize