Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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