Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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