I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
love makes seman taste better
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I have tasted many bathrooms
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
