BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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