Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
