sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize