She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize