I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
