You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
