i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
