Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
