everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
