I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
These tits shall not be calmed
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
